Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
