I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I just want nice things and good sex
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Randomize
