someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
