Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
