when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
