I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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