Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
