well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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