i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He kissed a someone with a penis
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
