Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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