Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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