Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
