You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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