sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
