I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I understand Curling. That high.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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