maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
