I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Can you bring me the toilet please
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I'm bleeding and have questions
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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