Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
