Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
