remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
