Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
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