I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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