just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Randomize
