So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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