You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
