now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
