Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Randomize
