my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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