WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
barbara walters just said penis...
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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