Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
