I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
