dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
