Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
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