Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
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