My boss' voice literally gives me gas
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
