i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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