So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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