Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
