I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
