Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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