She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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