I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Let's paint friendship bongs
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
