We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
