god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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