dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
