i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
