she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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