I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
