Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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