when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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