I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
