Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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