well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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