Jerry, you need to find god
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
