He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
