yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
